you have allowed it to grow... It is up to you, your choice... Weed your garden."
Angry I said again, but I hurt, I can not walk. Then he said to me, "You can put
your faith in them, the doctors, men, or me your heavenly father. It is your
choice. I told you to discipline your mind, and deal with your pain there, and not
with the drugs that make these men rich, that keep you coming back to them
for more... You've been taking those drugs are you better as a result of it ?
I have given you all you need in the herb of the field..." I was shocked and laid
there all night unable to think of anything else, but the words he had said to me.
I knew he was right, I had put my faith in men, and I knew that this was wrong according to the word. I had done the same thing in my marriage, only to be disappointed...
So I stopped taking the medicine and I began to discipline my mind to deal with
the pain. This was not easy and did not happen over night. In fact it is a minute
to minute thing daily... and much work...
I remembered my teachings in the martial arts, and recovery. As well as the
teachings of Jesus, and the new testament on the subject of discipline of the
spirit and mind ... I began to take the one good arm, and hit my legs, move
them, with my hand, massage them, and my other arm, force them to move,
and feel. I taught myself to ignore the pain, and not feed it by giving it my
time and thought. I found the more I concentrated on the pain, the more it
grew and the worse it got. So I refused to feed it my time, energy, or mind.
I remembered the herb of the field and when I was sick from not taking the
medicine or the pain was too great for me to deal with, I used marijuana,
the one I knew of at the time... In stead of popping a pill.
I also began to study other herbs, but marijuana I knew was not addictive like
the other drugs I had taken, and I knew it would relax my twisted muscles and
ease my pain and addiction. I knew it also helped me to eat. With-in a few weeks,
I got up on a walker... I would fight to walk on my own again, I've been fighting
every day since... I've spent a few months in bed since then, a few years on that
walker and in a wheelchair... and 14 yrs in courts... Now, I use a cane or two
when I need them, and some days I still need the chair or end up in bed. Many
days I don't need any of it at all outside the Great Spirit and his herbs.
There has been much that has happened since then. That was in 1989, nearly
three years after the birth of my son, a year, after I was forced to quit school in
the summer of 1988. In the fall of 89, I attempted to return to school. To soon...
I was still too sick. I barely made it through a few of my classes, the ones I could complete, was forced to with-drawl, from the ones I couldn't. I had to accept to
let it go for awhile, and concentrate on just taking care of my child and my health.
It came down to an old Japanese philosophy about a sinking ship. If the ship is
sinking and your whole family and everyone you care about is on the ship, who
do you save first ? The correct answer is yourself. For if you cannot save you,
how will you save the rest ?
Many things has happened in my life since then. I have married 4 more times, substituting relationships and abuse as my drug, for awhile. I even learned to
mutilate myself trying to find away to deal with the pain, by cutting myself, or
burning myself with cigarettes. Trying to put my pain out there for the world
to see and in an attempt to get some healing.
I have been drugged, tied up, held prisoner, tortured, strangled, stabbed, set on
fire, burned, shot at, had guns put in my mouth and other places... Unmentionable
things done to me. I have been stalked, beaten, raped violently, unborn children murdered, left for dead more than once. Leaving me to try many times to take
my own life by suicide, only to find out I am not that powerful.
In the end, it is not really mine to take, for it too, as does all things, belongs to
God.
I have given myself away seeking love, and sold myself for it, to survive, shelter
and feed my son, to provide for him when I was to sick and ignorant of a better
way... Putting my faith in men, as well as in me... Again and again.
Only to find out we just don't know all we think we know, or what is best for us.
That in the end... We know nothing at all compared to the "Great Spirit".
I have worked many jobs throughout the years, when I could, or was allowed.
Abuse, harassment, discrimination on the job, a part of all of them.
I have gone to jail many times, for trying to defend myself and protect my son's
life. Only to find I must be willing to let it all go.
I have survived the loss of 8 children, three miscarriages before the birth of my
son {1 set of twins} and 4 miscarriages after. 4 of which were beaten, tortured
or raped out of me. Only to morn more for the one who was born and what he
might choose.
I have raised my son, for the most part on my own, minus the year I was
paralyzed that he spent with my family, while I laid in that tent. Without relying
on anyone, welfare, taking advantage of charity or the system, for the most part.
Though I did get disability and state paid child support later for a few short years.
Only when I needed it the most, a lot of it I later paid back in to the state, due to
their errors or threats.
I have buried my first child, my baby sister, both sets of grandparents and some
of my best friends. Despite the fact I was told 20 years ago I had less than 7
years to live.
I been diagnosed with many illnesses like... ALS often referred to as "Lou
Gehrig's" Disease, Parkinson's, M.S., Neuropathy, Fibromyalgia, Tumors,
Cancer in 4 locations, Emphysema, Stones, Extremely Low Blood Pressure,
except when stressed which becomes Extremely High Blood Pressure {this
has already cost me an ear drum and hearing in my right ear}, Tinnitus, FCH,
Coronary Artery Disease, Acid Reflux, Ulsers, P.T.S.D. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, and the same Open-Angle Glaucoma that took my grandmothers
sight, now is taking mine... {Explaining my need to understand how my
Grandmother did everything} Really that is just to name a few of the many
diagnoses made.
I have been struck by fevers, infections, comas, cars, trucks, lightning, objects.
Bitten by deadly spiders, over dosed and poisoned more than once. Fallen from
great heights, jumped. Even pronounced dead a couple of times... and survived
it all.
With-in all of this, I have learned many lessons and gained strength, as well as
great insight. It is all these things that have lived through that has shaped me
into the person I am today.
That allows me to understand and minister onto the needs of others and bare
witness to the miracles that I have seen and been given.
That feeds my creative nature to paint, sculpt, write, teach, even dance.
When I was never to walk again... All by the Grace of God. I have learned to
take all the crap I was given and plant pretty flowers in it. So it is all this that
comes to mind when people say," Mary, Mary, quite contrary how does your
garden grow ?"
Not to mention, when I find the urge to judge another, I remind myself where
I've been, what I myself have done, and would have rather done had I known
a better way... and what I know now. Just enough to know God knows more
than I, or any other human. So I look to his wisdom and understanding
constantly, while trying to remind myself, there is a reason for all things,
with-in his great design. That I am here to learn and teach what I have already
learned, to witness to the unfolding of his great design, to serve, to minister
to others and to help fight the ignorance that still threatens to destroy
my spirit. That still seeks to destroy my life, my world, the spirits and world
of those around me... To help heal the world and let my light shine as a guide
to the truth that lies with-in it all...
My Legal Battles and Personal Fight Over Medical Marijuana Rights...
In 1988, I began using Marijuana as a Medicine, as well as other herbs.
It is not the only herb I use, just one of many... But it is the fact that it is
a Tax Controlled Substance, " NOT ILLEGAL ". Why the charge is,
Posession of a "Controlled Substance". Understanding words is very
important when it comes to understanding Laws.
See in 1937, Marijuana was recognized as " Legal " through it's Taxation,
the " 1937 Marijuana Tax Act " and later Controlled, Regulated and then
" Prohibited " through the FDA and DEA and the "CSA = Controlled
Substance Act". Legalization and Regulation of Marijuana through
Taxation was in fact, what lead to Marijuana/Cannabis's Prohibition. Why
we have a Federal Marijuana Tax that we have not been given in the last
decade an opportunity to pay...??? While the Addiction = Consumer based
supply and demand, Slavery fed Capitalist System and Black Market,
continues to grow. That leads me to write and brought me into this fight...
For many years I managed to medicate myself without problem, but as I was
convinced of the good it could do, I slowly became an out spoken advocate
for the medicine and began to petition for it. {"Legalize !" Repeting their
words, their lies and propaganda, not fully understanding the law, system
or government I wished to change or challenge.} It was and is in fact the
Classic Case of "The Road to Hell is Paved with Good Intentions".
In 1993, my 6 yr.old son, was diagnosed with A.D.H.D., which it was evident
by the time he had turned 1 yr. old he was different, extremely smart, gifted...
This caused many issues... but I couldn't get anyone to care or listen to me
about it until he started to school. {and then it was the teachers telling the
doctors their diagnoses}
Up until then I was told by Doctors that I was the one who had watched too
many talk shows. For the next 3 1/2 yrs. He would be placed on one medication
after the next, against my wishes. I was a child given drugs, who knew they had
learned addiction. Desperate for help and threatened by the schools, state and
the courts... I allowed them, out of fear of loosing my child... Who had
threatened to take him away, if I did not allow them to medicate. Because
according to them, I was not looking out for his medical health.
