The Importance of Purpose,
My Quest
When I think of all the things I have done and survived... All in my
quest for purpose.
Even as I write now...
It is this importance, which drives me. It has driven me throughout
my life, in everything. It has taken me into the fires of hell and
back. I have sacrificed time energy, money, homes, positions,
love... All in the name of this word purpose.
A higher purpose of course, I seek...
Is this because, I as a child was introduced to Christianity, and
raised with the idea, the belief, that God designed each of us with
purpose ?
In the midst of times of anguish, in my despair, when I've been so
beaten by my quest and the storms of life, that I've wished to take
my own, when I've been separated from God, and the world has
dumbed such a load on me, that I've forgotten who I am, that I
am a child of God,in the middle of my contemplation of suicide
and death, and my struggle to survive, I find myself not searching
for my father God, no not searching for a savior, no. What I
search for in these times is reason. With reason, I gain purpose.
With purpose I find the strength to say it's "OK", and to go on...
It is this purpose that brings me back to a place where, not only
am I ok, but now I have some justification, with this I can do
almost anything.
Only then does it matter if I know God.
It is this same word that creates Presidents and Rulers, that
drives one man to build and another to destroy. One man to kill,
another to heal. With it, one man rises while another man falls.
One finds reason to live, with purpose, this same man finds
reason to die.
For each of us, this importance of purpose that drives us maybe
very different. We may have different purposes at different times.
Many of us find many purposes throughout our lives, while some
might have only one purpose in mind. Yet, we all look for and
seek some type of purpose, in some way, at some point in our
lives.
This importance for purpose is probably a main thread that binds
us all together, as people we may not all know a need for God,
yet, it is the desire and need for purpose that we all share, that
religions are built from. It is this drive for purpose that leads men
to God, and love. As well as leading them into their own personal
hell. In it, they can find themselves important.
My need for purpose has lead me to do great selfless acts, to
create awesome works, to accomplish things I once believed
impossible for me to do. I have owned businesses and real
estate, I have sacrificed it all to have nothing, homeless, without
money, job, car, friends, I've gone to jail, found addiction, abuse,
self mutilation, recovery, only to have more to sacrifice latter on, I
have risen and fallen only to jump several times. I've had
everything and nothing again and again. I've been driven to kill, to
protect myself, to protect others, to seek to take my own life, tried
many ways, many times, even now as I light my cigarette...
I have in my desire for purpose, loved, hated, and been hated
and loved... I have given myself away for this word and even sold
myself for it.
With it I have found death, life, and God.
In it I find hope and strength for each new day, and myself in
every person around me... It binds me to my brothers and sisters
in spirit. This gives me a purpose beyond myself, but to my world,
those to come, like my son...
Because of this word, I write for today, and pray for tomorrow.
Written by myself, Mary Thomas Spears, Minister formally known
as Rev. Mary. A title I have since denounced.
This is a personal reflection essay, I hope you enjoyed it and that it gives
you some insight...
My Quest
When I think of all the things I have done and survived... All in my
quest for purpose.
Even as I write now...
It is this importance, which drives me. It has driven me throughout
my life, in everything. It has taken me into the fires of hell and
back. I have sacrificed time energy, money, homes, positions,
love... All in the name of this word purpose.
A higher purpose of course, I seek...
Is this because, I as a child was introduced to Christianity, and
raised with the idea, the belief, that God designed each of us with
purpose ?
In the midst of times of anguish, in my despair, when I've been so
beaten by my quest and the storms of life, that I've wished to take
my own, when I've been separated from God, and the world has
dumbed such a load on me, that I've forgotten who I am, that I
am a child of God,in the middle of my contemplation of suicide
and death, and my struggle to survive, I find myself not searching
for my father God, no not searching for a savior, no. What I
search for in these times is reason. With reason, I gain purpose.
With purpose I find the strength to say it's "OK", and to go on...
It is this purpose that brings me back to a place where, not only
am I ok, but now I have some justification, with this I can do
almost anything.
Only then does it matter if I know God.
It is this same word that creates Presidents and Rulers, that
drives one man to build and another to destroy. One man to kill,
another to heal. With it, one man rises while another man falls.
One finds reason to live, with purpose, this same man finds
reason to die.
For each of us, this importance of purpose that drives us maybe
very different. We may have different purposes at different times.
Many of us find many purposes throughout our lives, while some
might have only one purpose in mind. Yet, we all look for and
seek some type of purpose, in some way, at some point in our
lives.
This importance for purpose is probably a main thread that binds
us all together, as people we may not all know a need for God,
yet, it is the desire and need for purpose that we all share, that
religions are built from. It is this drive for purpose that leads men
to God, and love. As well as leading them into their own personal
hell. In it, they can find themselves important.
My need for purpose has lead me to do great selfless acts, to
create awesome works, to accomplish things I once believed
impossible for me to do. I have owned businesses and real
estate, I have sacrificed it all to have nothing, homeless, without
money, job, car, friends, I've gone to jail, found addiction, abuse,
self mutilation, recovery, only to have more to sacrifice latter on, I
have risen and fallen only to jump several times. I've had
everything and nothing again and again. I've been driven to kill, to
protect myself, to protect others, to seek to take my own life, tried
many ways, many times, even now as I light my cigarette...
I have in my desire for purpose, loved, hated, and been hated
and loved... I have given myself away for this word and even sold
myself for it.
With it I have found death, life, and God.
In it I find hope and strength for each new day, and myself in
every person around me... It binds me to my brothers and sisters
in spirit. This gives me a purpose beyond myself, but to my world,
those to come, like my son...
Because of this word, I write for today, and pray for tomorrow.
Written by myself, Mary Thomas Spears, Minister formally known
as Rev. Mary. A title I have since denounced.
This is a personal reflection essay, I hope you enjoyed it and that it gives
you some insight...
If you would like to commission me to speak, write, teach,...
Please e-mail me at: admin@designingyourworld.com
or you can send me an Instant Message at:
DiverseSanctuary@yahoo.com
Please e-mail me at: admin@designingyourworld.com
or you can send me an Instant Message at:
DiverseSanctuary@yahoo.com
